At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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