why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
