I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
