I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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