Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
