i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Let's get the cat blown out
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
