So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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