He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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