i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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