The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
