Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
