I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
