I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
