I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
