I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
