What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
