On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
