I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
