Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
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