Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
