a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
