You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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