wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
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