Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
