this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
