somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
