we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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