Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
