a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
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