Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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