you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
