the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
