Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
