so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Just cropdusted the office
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I'm like, not good at living.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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