Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
