..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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