I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Randomize
