a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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