3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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