What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
