Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
