I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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