jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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