Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
