Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry about my life...
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
