she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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