I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
