I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
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