my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
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