im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
