Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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