Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
