Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
