Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Pappa wants mamma naked
i think i have herpe
just one?
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Randomize
