tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Randomize
