"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
